This Might Be a Journal Entrance With Authentic Feelings Inside
The Empowered Human — Traveling Around
I want to write somewhere pure today.
Something concise with real personal feelings.
Well, today’s story start in the middle of Asia.
I’m currently in Koh Tao, a beautiful island in Thailand.
I came here expecting to find something really different from what I actually found.
Here I will write what is hurting my emotions, but I cannot do this while I want to run away.
All anxiety emanates from the desire to escape the current reality.
I have to be immersed in it. I need to be living in the now.
Living the present at its full potential is being able to express that which my soul craves to speak.
I came here expecting to find myself, but the only thing that I found was a place full of western tourists hoping around to have a good party in their holidays.
Don’t get me wrong, the place is by itself beautiful and full of amazing natural spots. It is also the cheapest place to get a scuba dive license and that is what I’ve chosen to do in my staying here.
But I’m still not quite happy. I don’t know. I feel a weird anxiety running inside. Maybe it is the scooters rushing around in the road like there is nobody watching or living with them.
Maybe my ‘normal’ parameter is too quiet and old fashioned.
Any way, I was hoping to be more relaxed here, I have to say. I feel a pain in my jaw, that is a symptom of stress according to google…
I’ve been feeling this fear of living without money since I came to Asia. Maybe that is my faith, or maybe I’m just being stupid.
Come on, give me a break.
It’s not easy to travel alone at 21 and experience a place that is supposed to be paradise without anyone to share these experiences.
Yes, I’m enjoying a lot. And no, I’m not alone.
When traveling by ourselves we meet different people from all around the world. They come, and sometimes go too quick. But thoughts about how can I be my own boss keeps hunting me at night. And also at day.
I’ve been over-thinking about the meaning of life, what is love, what is the truth, how to become better, and what should I do right now. What I want to do in the next 2 hours, 2 days, 2 months, 2 years…
It all comes down to a series of small decisions which I’m not yet ready to make. Everyday we make a ton of decisions, and these bring us to the exact place and time which we are supposed to be. That is the truth, raw reality.
I’m feeling tired because I’ve been under eating…
Well, bananas are tasty and healthy, but they are not supposed to be your whole diet.
I’m still struggling in this whole vegetarian thing.
But I’m glad that I’ve not broken. I’m still feeling strong.
Courageous, and grateful for all that I got.
Even being a vegetarian, I can taste delicious local cousine and experience what some flavors can make us feel.
I have some great stories to tell, but something is holding me back!
What is this barrier in my river of creativity?
I’m intentionally flowing with life, and yet, it just feels weird sometimes.
This is for sure a low day, and I had to stop and write about it, because some lessons can be learned today.
I have now the courage to express what I’ve been feeling publicly, and this is something that I wasn’t doing for a long time.
The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage.
Thanks For Reading ❤
Much Love &
Peace &
Joy.
